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I've been thinking about family a lot recently. Family is very important to me. I remember years ago at a concert that we performed in Austria both of my beautiful children sang a duet from "The Scarlet Pimpernel." That song means so much to me, and I hope, to them. I just wanted to share that song. I hope that you have your home. I know that I have mine, and for that, I am truly thankful.

From "The Scarlet Pimpernel"

There is a child inside my heart tonight
No one can see that child but you
If I hold on to you too tight, you understand
You hold me too
You are the one who reaches through the dark
When I'm afraid, you warm the air
And, when I close my eyes to sleep
You are my peace, you are my prayer
You are my home
You make me strong
And in this world of strangers
I belong to someone
You are all I know
You're all I have
I won't let go
Others may leave, but you will still be there
Touching the tears that fill my eyes
When I am lost, you are my light
You are the love that never dies
You are my home
You make me strong
And in this world of strangers
I belong to someone
You are all I know
You're all I have
I need you so
I will not walk away from you!
I will not let you go!
You're the only home I'll ever know
You are my home
You make me strong
And in this world of strangers
I belong to someone
You are all I know
You're all I have
I need you so
I won't let go
You are my home

Valentines and Love: My soulmate

When my husband and I got married almost thirty years ago, we came to an agreement that gifts on anniversaries or Valentine’s Day were not necessary. We decided to simply share some time together and exchange cards that expressed our feelings for each other.

For some reason, I have never felt that my husband needed to give me something to show how much he loved me. I always knew that by the way he lived each day, the way he kissed me every morning, held my hand or my belt loop just so he could touch me. I knew he loved me when he’d get up in the middle of the night to check on a crying child so that I could get my rest. Everything little thing he did told me quite loudly and clearly that he loved me.

So, I never expected gifts. We’d spend a nice quiet evening together on those special days, holding hands and just looking at each other. Then we’d share our cards. I’ve kept every single one of those cards! When we were younger, I’d put dates on them and sometimes include where we had dinner or a little note about what we did.

What always bothered me was the reaction I received when I was asked what Tim got me for Valentine’s Day. My response was always “a card.” Some of my friends were appalled with my answer. “You mean you got absolutely nothing! Not even flowers?”

Now, there’s a story about flowers. I love them, but my dear husband fails to see the purpose of giving a gift that will die. He explained his logic, and I understood. That doesn’t mean I still don’t love flowers! I just don’t expect them as a gift from him. So you can imagine my shock when he came home from a trip once with a bundle of flowers for me.

“What did you do?” I asked him. “Why are you feeling guilty?” I gave him the inquisition. “All the other guys were buying flowers for their wives, so I thought what the heck.” My poor husband didn’t realize that his simple action would bring my wrath upon him. I told him that he never felt flowers were necessary before and that he was obviously trying to hide something from me. Why else would he have so dramatically changed his behavior?

Needless to say, I don’t get flowers any more. That’s another agreement we’ve come to in our marriage! I was content never having received them , and the drama that they caused when I did made the agreement essentially a no-brainer!

This year Tim and I will have a special Valentine’s dinner. We’ll exchange our cards, and when I am asked by those friends what gift I received, I will tell them that I didn’t get flowers or chocolates or jewelry, but I have the gift of love from my husband. A gift that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Valentines and Love: My Children

Love comes to us in many shapes and I think that love is an appropriate topic for the month of February. Recently, I’ve been thinking about all of the different loves in my life, and I can’t help but think of the love I feel for my children. Love between a parent and child can be a very deep love.

I remember when my children brought me special gifts to share their love for me. There were the hand-made paper cards, the bouquets of dandelions, the hand-painted crafts from Sunday School or summer camp. But one of my absolute favorite gifts came from my daughter in the form of an English project when she was in the seventh grade.

Her assignment was to write about her role model. The students could choose any person, and my daughter chose me. Below is one of the most precious gifts I have ever received.

My Role Model
Tiffany Jarman May 1996

My role model is my mother
For me there is no other.
She has always been there for me
To love me and to care for me.
Many a new thing has she taught me.
She makes friends so easily.
She has so many friends
That the list doesn’t come to an end.
Someone of a different religion or race
Never to them has she shown a mean face.
Some of them have handicaps.
Never has she even thought to give them a laugh.
Some are attracted to others of the same sex.
But she just shrugs and says, “What the heck!
That doesn’t make any difference to me!
All are equal anyway.”
They are just as nice and just as smart,
In her life they play a very important part.
After all, everyone is only human.
She is trying to teach me to make friends as easily as she can
She has taught me many important things
Because of her, I feel as though I have wings.
She has shown me how everything I do fits into real life
She has taught me how to deal with stress and strife.
She has encouraged me to do better and more
With her help, I’ve done better than I’ve ever done before.
She always tries new things and always does her best.
She is so much better than all the rest.
My role model is no other
Than my wonderful, loving mother.

That poem hangs in my kitchen to this day. It is a constant reminder to me of the powerful role we play as parents, and how very blessed I have been to have the love of my two beautiful children. I continue to send them Valentine cards every year to celebrate the love I have for them.

Valentines and Love

Love comes in many different ways. Romantic love, unconditional love, and of course the love of true friendship. I have been blessed in my life with some wonderful friends, but I typically don’t associate my friendships with Valentine’s Day.

Last year, my friend Pam sent me a package at Valentine’s Day. When it arrived, I held it in my hand and looked at it for a few minutes before I opened it. “What on earth has she done this time?” I thought to myself. I’ll admit I was a bit surprised when I opened it and found a CD.

My dear friend had made a CD for me full of songs about friendship. There was Bette Midler’s “You’ve Got to Have Friends” and “We Are Family.” The CD was full of songs we had sung together over the years and songs that spoke of the special love of friends.

During our long friendship, my two best girls have become part of my family. My kids refer to them as Auntie Pammie and Auntie Carol. My girls come to family gatherings, birthday parties, weddings, showers and funerals. We share a special bond.

We’ve traveled together often. One of those special trips was supposed to be to Atlanta in the fall of 2001. Airport security had become extremely tight after 9/11, and our flight to Hotlanta didn’t look like such a good idea when an overzealous sports fan jumped the security line and shut down the airport. “Go to the gate agent and ask her to switch our flight to New York,” I told a panicked Pam over the phone on my way to Regan National. Having a spouse who is an airline employee has its advantages when quick changes in flight itineraries are needed.

Within a few short minutes, our weekend trip to the south became a weekend trip to the north. We still laugh about that adventure to this day. Laughter, it’s the spice of life! We had packed for a weekend of hiking and casual outings, only to find ourselves in midtown Manhattan purchasing tickets for a Broadway show. A costume change was seriously needed, but it was nothing that a shopping trip to Macy’s couldn’t change!

We had a blast that weekend. Three best girlfriends having fun wherever they were, making the best of any situation. We’re always there for each other, even if it’s been weeks or months since we’ve spoken. I can depend on my girls, and yes, I love them dearly. We are family!

This blog entry appeared in my column : "The Empty Nest" in the Frederick News Post, Sunday February 6, 2011.