One Look Was All It Took

As we enter the month of Thanksgiving, I have been reflecting on events that have changed the course of my life. I was recently listening to the song “This by Darius Rucker. He sings about “every stoplight I didn't make, every chance I did or I didn't take,” all those things that could have happened but didn’t led him to where he is today. And he wouldn’t change a thing. That’s how I’ve been feeling.

Kids? Not me. Not ever. That was the theme by which I lived all through undergraduate school. I was going to be an attorney. If I chose marriage, it might slow me down, and I could really put career advancement in jeopardy if kids were to become a part of the picture. At least that was my thinking as a young college woman, and even as a young married woman.

However, when I was lying in the hospital after my daughter was born, law school never crossed my mind. For years I had set my goal as a career in corporate law. But looking into my daughter’s eyes as I held her in that hospital bed, I knew that I could not let anyone else take care of her. She wasn’t planned, but I was so grateful that she had shown up. And so, as I lay there in the hospital, I began to prepare for my new career as a stay-at-home mom.

My college advisor had told me after graduation to go out into the world and to be the best that I could be at whatever I chose. Now here I was choosing my daughter. I would spend my days playing with her and nurturing her.

When she was eighteen months old, we attended a local community theater production of “The Wizard of Oz.” We took classes together. We read together. And as she grew up, we were involved in theatrical productions together. Singing and dancing were also something we shared. I loved it when friends referred to us as the Jarman sisters. We shopped together, laughed together and spent lots of time together. Even though there were those times during puberty when I feared which demon would possess her when she woke, she was mine. And I loved being her mother.

I spent thirteen years as a stay-at-home mom raising my daughter and son (yes, he came along three and a half years after she arrived). I can’t even begin to imagine myself in a courtroom. The gaze into that baby’s eyes changed my life forever, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

My granddaughter will be ten months old this month. The time has flown by! But as she gets a little older, and as fall approaches, I am getting very excited about re-living some of my favorite fall traditions with a little one.

Fall means pumpkins and jack-o-laterns. I remember our annual outings to the pumpkin patch. We’d put on boots and sweatshirts and head down the road on a mission to pick out the best pumpkin ever! Of course, we had two children who each had their own ideas about what the perfect pumpkin should look like, so we typically came home with a few.

We’d drive down the long drive to the pumpkin farm and jump out of the car. The kids would head right to the field hoping to pick up the first pumpkin they saw. As the got older, they became more particular about finding the perfect pumpkin. They’d examine each side trying to determine which side would be best for the face or if the vine left a good enough handle for the lid. Some pumpkins were rejected because they were too small, others sometimes had a flat side.

Once our purchases were made, we’d load all of our pumpkins into the back of the car and head home. The kitchen table became the center of activity as the carving began. We never did anything excessively creative. Our jack-o-laterns mostly had the triangle nose and eyes with the smile exposing a few teeth. There were years, however, when mistakes were made with the carving knife and teeth were accidentally cut off. Those jacks just had great big grins.

The lanterns, after having been carefully carved, were placed out on the front porch with their candles in place. Sometimes the lids burned because the candle was too big or the lid was improperly placed on top. The smell of burning pumpkin would fill the front of the house.

The extra pumpkins, the ones that appeared perfect at the patch, but were rejected after further examination at home, were baked and used for pumpkin breads or pies. Pumpkins are so much a part of fall and fall is such a beautiful time of the year. I cannot wait to share it with my granddaughter!

The Leaves of Fall

My granddaughter will be ten months old this month. The time has flown by! But as she gets a little older, and as fall approaches, I am getting very about re-living some of my favorite fall traditions with a little one.
One of the reasons that I love fall so much is the beautiful array of colors that appear on the trees. I love the yellows, oranges, and reds of the fall leaves. Driving along the roads of Frederick in the fall, I am continually in awe of the splendor of the colors.

When Tim was in the Navy, we lived in Texas, California, and Florida. Those states are not typically known for their fall foliage. Few people travel to those places to see the magnificence of fall leaves. For five years, I went without a real fall. Sure we had trick-or-treating and Halloween. There were also pumpkin patches and apple cider, but never could I look out my window and see the color of fall.

The first year that we were back in Maryland, I would often pack the kids up in the car and just drive around the back roads and stop to gaze at the leaves. Many times as I was driving the car, I would wipe the tears from my eyes. I had missed my leaves so much, but they were there just like they were every fall. I had missed them so.
I also love the leaves on the ground. There’s nothing like the sound of crunching leaves as you hike down the mountain trails along the Appalachian Trail. When my children were younger, we would take them on hikes in the fall and we would all crunch, crunch, crunch down the trail path.

Leaves are also great in piles. I loved the times when we would rake them all nice and neatly into a great mound on the lawn and then the dogs would come running and plow right through the pile. Leaves would fly everywhere and we would all laugh. I think the dogs enjoyed it as much as we did.

I can’t wait to make leaf piles with Chloë, to hike along the trails and giggle at the crunching sounds. Fall is such a beautiful time of the year. I am so looking forward to sharing it with my granddaughter!

This blogpost ran as my column, "The Empty Nest," in the Frederick News Post on Sunday October 7, 2012.