Dumb and Dumber

In honor of April Fool’s Day, I’ve been reflecting on situations in which I or members of my family have recently found ourselves. April first isn’t the only day of the year to be foolish as is evidenced with us!

A while back, my daughter was teaching an adult tap class at a local dance studio. I decided to enroll because I thought it would be fun for us to spend the extra time together. She was a great dance teacher, and class was always fun.

On one particular night, I was following her home after class. We had both stopped at a red traffic light. I’m not sure exactly what I was thinking, but as soon as I saw my daughter start through the light, I followed. As I was passing the light, I glanced up and saw that it was still red! Shocked that we had both run a red light, I grabbed my cell phone and called my daughter.

“Did you realize that we both just ran a red light?” I asked her. “Are you serious?” was her shocked response. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that she had seen the green arrow light in the next lane change and just figured our light had changed. We giggled about it, and I confessed to her that I had done the same thing a few years back.

I hung up and we continued on our drive home. We were on Route 340 heading west when I noticed out of my rearview mirror three police cars flying down the highway. They were obviously in hot pursuit of something.

The next thing I knew one of those cars had gone past me and in front of my daughter’s car. The second was in the lane next to us, and the third was right behind me. They were in hot pursuit of US! My daughter and I quickly pulled over to the side of the road.

The officer from the rear car approached my vehicle and said that we had been seen running a red light in Frederick. “It’s true!” I said. “My daughter’s dumb and I’m dumber!” I then explained what had happened. The officer went to confer with the other two police officers. I sat in my car trying to figure out what on earth was going on!

The officer returned to my car and told me that they were pursuing a drug ring operation and the two vehicles running the red light was seen as suspicious. But since my daughter had the same story about the traffic incident, they decided to let us go…with the warning that we not run any red lights in the future.

Now whenever I am following anyone I always check the traffic light first before following in pursuit. Being caught in this foolish situation taught me a lesson!

This blog ran as my column, "The Empty Nest" in the Frederick News Post on Sunday April 1, 2012.

Open mouth, insert foot

In honor of April Fool’s Day, I’ve been reflecting on situations that I or members of my family have recently found ourselves in. April first isn’t the only day of the year to be foolish as is evidenced with the Jarman family!

While my son was serving on a Coast Guard Cutter stationed in New England, the ship was sent on a mission to the Caribbean. He shared a sea story from this cruise with us at dinner recently. As the crew members were sailing off of the coast of Cape Hatteras, my son was on the ship’s bridge. He was joined there by the ship’s Operations Officer, Executive Officer, and Commanding Officer. Tim said that the sailing was a bit rough as weather conditions off the cape were somewhat ominous but the steady hands of the crew guided the ship safely through the storm

Once they had navigated through the rough waters and made it south to the Caribbean the cutter crew completed a successful mission at sea. About four weeks later, they set sail to return to their home port.

As they were just off the coast of Cape Hatteras on the return trip, the situation was identical to that of the original journey. Ominous weather conditions and the same gentlemen were standing watch on the bridge-my son, operations, executive officer, and commander. Noticing these similar conditions, my son decided to break the silence in the room and comment on the situation.

“I guess you could say that this is a real ménage à trois,” he said smiling. His commanding officers apparently looked at him questioningly, so he decided to clarify his statement. It was obvious to him that they did not know their French. “You know, when something happens and it feels like you’ve been there before.”

After a few minutes-I suppose they were too stunned to speak-the operations officer said to my son, “We think you mean a déjà vu.” Tim said that the ship has a log book to keep record of events that occur on board during missions. He’s certain that this event was recorded in the ship’s log book.

I suppose I’m proud of my son for sharing the story. I’m not sure many other young people would! And I am also eternally grateful that he did not tell those men that his mother teaches French!

Sometimes if we speak before we think, we wind up in rather foolish situations. Lesson learned for my son was to check for accuracy before speaking!

Boys will be Boys

It has not been a difficult winter, but all the same, I’m anxious for spring. Spring makes everything come alive again. What is old seems new. It’s such a beautiful time of year.

I’ve recently had the opportunity to watch my husband rejuvenate, but then again, I often catch him acting like a child. On this particular occasion, we had just finished our shopping at Sam’s Club and were on our way to the parking lot.

Now I must start out by telling you that every year on his birthday, my husband promises me that he’s going to grow up. The problem is that he’s never delivered on that promise. The trip to Sam’s Club was a case in point. As he does on every trip to Sam’s, my husband began to play scooter-shopping cart as soon as we cleared the exit from the store.

He typically pushes off and rides the cart to our parked vehicle, and this time was no different. Off he scooted like a ten-year old. What was different this time was the agonizing yelp that he let out after a few attempts to push start. To my horror, my husband was hunched over grasping his calf.

I ran to him to see if I could help. Sure enough, he had torn some muscle or ligament and was struggling to walk. He hobbled to the car and we managed to get him in the front seat. At home, we iced him up and instead of letting me call the doctor, he was online trying to self-diagnose his injury. Not exactly the mature thing to do.

He convinced himself that it was a muscle tear or a bad sprain. I was able to get him to take some anti-inflammatory medication, and fortunately he fell asleep. My “little boy” was resting peacefully, but I wanted to hit him over the head.

The night before he was to fly a trip to London, he woke up in the middle of the night to “practice” his walking. He didn’t want passengers to see their captain walking with a limp. So he bit his lip and walked, telling me with each step that “it really doesn’t hurt that bad. I think I can do this. Do I look normal?” Well, that was a loaded question!

He flew the trip to London and hobbled back home a few days later.

My husband limped around on that sore muscle for weeks. He refused to go to the doctor. He’d be fine. His calf just needed some time to heal. Last week, we had to stop at Sam’s Club to pick up a few things. On our way to the parking lot, I looked my husband in the eye as he pushed the cart out the door and said, “Don’t you dare.”

“I promise you that I will grow up,” he said. “One day.” He’s still in the spring of his life! So as my bulbs push their way up through the ground, as the temperature gets warmer and warmer each day, I eagerly await the adventures that we have ahead of us this spring, me and “my boy!”

My "little boy!"

It has not been a difficult winter, but all the same, I’m anxious for spring. Spring makes everything come alive again. The old becomes new. It’s such a beautiful time of year.

I often have the opportunity to watch my husband behave like a young boy, still living in the spring of his life. He is young again whenever he walks in the front door after being away for several days and is greeted by our “baby,” our four-year old Beagle, Belle. Sometimes she will start her yelping and crying as soon as she sees his car turn the corner and head down the driveway. But the act is definitely in full swing when my husband walks in the front door.

That’s when I see the little boy with his best friend, his dog. Belle will roll over on her back and my husband will kneel down to rub her belly. “That’s my girl,” he’ll say to her. “Did you miss me?”

I watch him play like a little boy each morning after he’s read the newspaper. He’ll crouch down on the floor with one of Belle’s favorite toys. They’ll roll around and I listen to him laugh like a child. My wonderful husband, and the boy in his heart.

Yes, he’s the “boy” who snuggles in bed each night with his best friend. Not me, mind you, but that little tri-colored dog who has stolen his heart. She wiggles between us nuzzles her head near my husband. When we first got married, I was told that a bed wasn’t a place for a dog. If you talk to my husband now, he’ll tell you that Belle really isn’t a dog. She’s our child, our baby!

Sometimes when he’s talking to our “other” children, he’ll refer to Belle as their little sister! My son takes particular offense to this.

When my wonderful husband takes me out to dinner, he is quick to ask the waiter or waitress for a carry-out box. “We have a special dog at home,” he’ll tell the server. As soon as his plate arrives, he slices off pieces of meat to take home to “the baby.” Once we even went through the drive-thru window at a fast food restaurant to order a hamburger for her, a peace offering because we had been gone for a long while. “No condiments or bun,” he told the cashier, “just the meat, it’s for my dog!” I still wonder to this day what that young person must have thought!

A boy’s best friend is his dog, and my “boy” is living proof. He promises me that “one day” he’ll grow up, but I think we’re forever stuck in spring. Not a bad place to be…which reminds me, I need to order my mulch!

This blog ran as my column, "The Empty Nest" in the Frederick News Post on Sunday March 4, 2012.