Each year on Christmas morning, my children would rush down the stairs promptly at 6am to see what had been left by the big man in the red suit. Our holiday rule was that children could not wake up their parents until 7am, even though we were awake and could hear them chattering and giggling not long after six. After my husband and I donned robes and slippers, we would sit as a family under the glow of the Christmas tree and share gifts and laughter and love. It was the best of times.

Christmas 2008 challenged my conception of our traditional Christmas celebration. My son had just returned from a mission at sea with the Coast Guard. As a junior officer, he would be serving duty as the Officer of the Watch on the ship Christmas Eve – 8am Christmas Eve until 8am Christmas Day. My daughter, recently married and living just outside of Amsterdam, would be celebrating the holiday in that country with her new husband and his family. The thought of waking up Christmas morning to silence was more than I could bear, so I was quick to come up with an alternative plan. A new tradition.

At eight in the morning on Christmas Eve, my husband, our dog and I set out for the nine hour drive to New Hampshire. I felt like the Grinch with our bags popping at the seams, full of decorations and gifts and holiday treats. We were stealing Christmas from our home and taking it to the top of Mount Portsmouth! Lunch was at our favorite diner just off of the highway. We spread holiday cheer to all the folks we encountered along the way.

Upon arrival at my son’s apartment, the holiday elves were quick to get to work. We put up the small tree and decorations we had brought. We wrapped last minute gifts and when all of our work was finished, we sat with hot chocolate in front of a sparkling little tree. About that time, my son called to see that we had made the trip safely. “We’re just sitting here on the sofa looking at the tree,” I told him. “Mom, I don’t have a tree,” he replied. “You do now!” I said. We all laughed and he went back to work after telling us he would see us bright and early in the morning.

Now, I’m not one for technology. I am the proverbial old dog, but on Christmas of 2008, I was eternally grateful for the internet and Skype. My husband and I were up early that morning. I prepared my son’s favorite breakfast, waffles, and we waited for his arrival. At about nine, we heard his car in the driveway. When he opened the door, the festivities began! My husband quickly signed on Skype and called my daughter. For us, it was still morning, but for the newlyweds, it was early afternoon. Within a few moments, there were my daughter and son-in-law and our “grand-dog” on the screen, seated in front of their tree.

Beneath their tree, clearly visible, were gifts we had shipped earlier. We also had brought with us gifts they had shipped. And there, we sat as a family under the glow of the Christmas tree and the glow of the computer screen and we shared gifts and laughter and love. It was the best of times!

Who knows what this Christmas will bring. But I have learned, as a dear friend once told me, that Christmas is a state of mind. It’s a time with family, a time of sharing and caring. Traditions come and go, but Christmas stays the same. Merry Christmas!

Traditions Thanksgiving

I write this as I am sitting in an airport, awaiting a flight to Amsterdam. I’m off to Amsterdam to celebrate Thanksgiving. You might ask why I would celebrate an American holiday in a foreign country. Well, I have grown up knowing Thanksgiving as a holiday when families gather around the table to share a wonderful meal and to give thanks to God for the many blessings in their lives.

For me to share this meal with family, I need to travel to The Netherlands. My daughter and her husband live just outside of Amsterdam and this year, my son is at sea with the Coast Guard. So with suitcases full, my husband and I are carrying our traditions to another part of the world.

The suitcases are filled with canned pumpkin and stuffing; items my daughter was unable to find at her local supermarket. We’re carrying decorations for the Thanksgiving Day table, and I’m hoping my daughter has figured out all of the conversions from degrees Fahrenheit to degrees Celsius. I’m also hopeful that the recipe my son-in-law found for turkey will allow him to create a familiar taste at that special meal.

Holidays have always been family time for us, so my son’s absence will be blatantly obvious. Knowing this, my daughter and I have planned a very non-traditional trip this Thanksgiving. We will be attending a German Christmas market in Dusseldorf. We came up with this idea because my fear was that our trying to recreate prior Thanksgivings might make his absence even more noticeable.

Some things we’re doing differently, but we are hanging on to others. When my children were in elementary school, we began the Thanksgiving tradition of the Jarman Thank You Jar. We took an old coffee can and decorated it. I cut a slot through the plastic lid, just large enough to slide slips of paper through. During the year, we would all take slips of paper from the pile next to the coffee can and write down events or things that we were particularly thankful for. Thanksgiving morning after we had finished eating breakfast, we would pass the Thank You Jar around and read out one by one all of the things we had been thankful for that particular year.

Sometimes the slips said “thankful I passed my Math test.” And other times they read “thankful Pop-Pop’s surgery went well.” We were thankful for big things and little things. Those precious slips just helped us to recall them. Sometimes particularly meaningful slips would end up in a book or in the Bible. This year, the Thank Yous are tucked in a ziplock bag in my carry on tote. Some traditions are just too hard to change. We’ll save the really good ones to share with my son on Christmas morning. And perhaps I’ll even add a thank you for his safe return home.

Flexible. I keep telling myself to be flexible. Those little children who used to sit on the sofa in the family room watching the Macy’s parade won’t be there this year. But I am sure that when there are new little ones sitting there intently watching the parade, there will be a Thank You in the jar for that!

I'm not for traditional marriage

I recently attended a meeting where equality in marriage was the topic. The meeting just happened to be the same day that the referendum on equal marriage was defeated in Maine. At the meeting, we watched a video about families affected by inequalities related to marriage laws. We saw how one parent was not allowed to be present at a child's doctor appointment for vaccination injections--not the legal parent. How a partner was removed from the delivery room of a hospital so that her partner could receive epidural anesthestia. How one partner's medical benefits did not cover her partner...because they weren't married. All these rights same sex couples are denied, but privileges that my husband and I shared. Because we are married.

But what makes us special. Why do we receive rights that other people in this country do not? Just because we are one man and one woman? One of my family members has been in a one woman, one man relationship.. several times, both married and not. What givers her the right to have this privilege and then choose to dissolve it? Isn't marriage about one commitment? Isn't that really what makes marriage work? One commitment...whether it be between one man and one woman, two men or two women. Commitment makes marriage. Two people in one committed relationship.

Opponents of equal marriage support traditional marriage. What's that? Arranged marriages? Because that was long the tradition. Is it marriage with a dowry? Because that was also traditional. Is it marriage for political convenience? That surely was traditional throughout history.

Traditions change. In Holland and the UK, and even in some states in our grand union, recent "traditional" marriages have included same sex marriage. Traditions change, but equality doesn't.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. Is that the tradition of our declaration of independence or is it our truth? Because our definition of equal certainly has gone through some changes over the years. Or is our belief that all men are created equal something we are willing to stand up for and demand that it be upheld?

I'm not a proponent of traditional marriage. I believe we should change our current traditions relating to marriage and opt for equality in marriage. If all men are created equal then we need to insure equal rights for all.

Teaching History or Consumption?

Financial Times recently ran an article about American Girls' addition of a homeless American girl. When Pleasant Rowland started American Girl, her idea was to use dolls and books to teach young girls about their counterparts in American history. The story lines were created to teach about history and what girls did. The dolls and books were a reaction to Mattel’s Barbie and Rowland’s belief that Barbie did not reflect reality. Mattel needs to take a lesson from the creator of American Girl and return the toy and books to their original theme.

American Girl of Today teaches our young girls to over consume. The company emphasizes over accessorizing imitations of the "reality" we see on television and in the media. The latest attempt by Mattel in its creation of a homeless American Girl doll with accessories and the ability to spend the afternoon at the salon really takes the cake. Why can’t Mattel encourage young girls to read the books and donate the $95 cost of the doll to a homeless shelter? Why must the toy mogul push sales of a doll with accessories to teach lessons about becoming “compassionate and loving people?”


Mattel’s American Girl has become an 18 inch vinyl Barbie and has lost touch with reality and its historical routes. As a former faithful supporter of American Girl, I look to new products to teach young girls and am working diligently to make sure those types of products are available.

The Wild Things

You know, I've always loved the book "Where the Wild Things Are." I read it to both of my kids many times. I always wanted to start a wild rumpus. And I thought Max was adorable. So, I was rather excited when I saw the previews of the movie during the summer. This past weekend, my husband and I went to see the movie.

Now I teach at a high school and one of the things we try to instill in our students is that there are consequences for negative behaviors. I don't think the movie went very far towards that end. Max has a tantrum on the kitchen counter. He yells at his mother and then runs off. She chases him out of the house and through the neighborhood until Max disappears into the woods.

Then his adventure starts. He meets the wild things, becomes their king and helps to build a great fortress. He then realizes that he misses home, especially his mother. And so, Max sets out in his boat to return home.

When he arrives at home, his mother is anxiously waiting for him. She greets him with open arms and lovingly serves him a nice warm meal. End of movie.

No consequences for his behavior? What are we trying to teach our children? Throw a tantrum, run away from home and all will be right with the world?

My children wandered off to various places when they were young. They would leave me in the mall or in a particular store to look at what they wanted to see. I would panic and search frantically for them. My heart would pound fiercely and I would agonize over what might have happened to them, or who might have taken them. But when they were found, they not only knew of my joy to see them and to know that they were safe, but they also were reprimanded for leaving and there were consequences. Hold my hand for the rest of the shopping trip, or no special treats today, but there were consequences. They had to learn that there were certain rules of behavior that applied to their safety and that those rules had to be followed.

Too often in our society there are no consequences for wrong doing. Parents, schools and other groups do not enforce rules because we don't want to upset the children or we are just too happy and thankful that they are safe. We need to rejoice in that feeling of knowing things are safe but we also need to teach the lesson that rules are made to be followed and that if they are not, there are consequences.